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Thursday, June 12, 2014

Love Out Loud Asia #2: 7 Things Women Really Want in a Relationship

This is a guest post I've written for Love Out Loud Asia. You can also check out the post over HERE.


I'm sure most of you have heard of the 5 Love Languages - Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch, Acts of Service and Receiving Gifts. Everyone has different love languages, we crave for different elements in our relationships and we value each one differently. What love language does your partner speak? I scored the highest on Quality Time, followed by Physical Touch.

Besides these 'love languages' that apply to both sexes, women do have a set of things they want in a relationship as well. Here is a list of 7 things that most women desire:


1. Quality Time
Most couples spend a lot of time together especially during the 1st few months of getting together, a.k.a the Honeymoon Period - but how much of it can be considered quality time? It really isn't quality time just by being physically present beside each other. Quality time is time set aside to pay undivided attention to each other or doing things together that both of you love without any distractions or interruptions - yes that includes putting your phones and other less immediate tasks aside.


2. Spontaneity / Surprises
These are what keep the relationship fresh and exciting every now and then, and it can really make women look forward to having more dates with you. Surprise her with an impromptu getaway for the weekend; hide sweet little notes in her bag; turn up with flowers when there isn't any special occasion to do so; tell her to get dressed immediately because you have just booked a table at her favourite restaurant. Such sweet gestures can make women feel really appreciated and keep her excited.




3. To be understood - in our language
Men and women tend to speak in same same but different languages, and this can get really frustrating when the actual message doesn't come across to the other party. For example, when a woman says she's fine while forcing a smile, 90% of the time she really isn't, so the last thing a man should do is to take this literally thinking your woman is really feeling fine - you'd end up having one of the worst days of your life.


(from Google images)

I read this on Twitter recently as well, which I'm guilty of committing: 'When a girl says "Lol have fun", do not have fun. Abort mission. I repeat. Abort mission.'. It takes a lot of patience and bad experiences though, in order for most men to understand the hidden meanings in women's language, oops. But I assure you they will definitely pay off.


4. To be praised / To feel beautiful
Not every woman is born physically attractive, and even those who are, tend to feel inferior at some point of time because "there are always prettier girls out there" and because of societal standards of beauty. We all know inner beauty should be the focus instead of physical appearances, but let's face it, humans are all visual creatures - people tend to feel better when they think they look good (even though they may not necessarily do in reality). So let your woman know she's beautiful in your eyes no matter what state she is in; tell her she looks gorgeous with or without makeup on; compliment her on new haircut; tell her how perfect she looks when she laughs. This also shows how much attention you pay to the little details in her life, and no, I am not asking you to lie because beauty should be in the eye of the beholder shouldn't it? ;)




5. To be heard
When your woman rants to you it does not always mean she is complaining/whining about the nitty gritty stuff in life, and she does not need you to reinforce that by shutting her off or challenging her into an argument. She is probably already feeling very vulnerable and the last thing she wants is to be misunderstood. All she requires you to do is to acknowledge what she says and respond according to her emotions. Sometimes there's no need for you to even talk.


6. To be your princess, to feel special
All men strive to be their women's hero, likewise women would love to be treated as your princesses. This doesn't always mean showering her with expensive gifts or giving in to her whenever she throws a tantrum - it's about treating her knowing she's the only one you've got, making her feel like she's exclusively 'yours'. Give her pet names; show her off in front of your friends because you are proud of her; do things for her and only for her; draw the line clearly with your female friends so she feels secured.




7. Consistency
Consistency breeds trust and reliability in a relationship. Know why you fell in love with her in the first place. Was it the way she looked? Was it something she did that touched you? Treat her the exact way you did when you went after her and when you started dating her. Women usually feel that the other party has changed because he stopped showing certain gestures that he used to always show (e.g buying her flowers, sending her home, saying "I love you" everyday) just because he has 'gotten' her. She probably fell in love with you because of such acts of kindness, and when you stop doing them, she starts to feel something missing in the relationship. So don't ever start behavioural patterns that you can't maintain or commit to because you'll only be setting expectations for the future.

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