Defense mechanism

Have you ever wished you weren't so close to someone for fear that once he/she passes one day you would become an emotional wreckage?

I distant myself from my loved ones sometimes, worrying that once they disappear from the face of earth I would not be able to live w/o the fact that they are no longer there for me to depend on. The image of them in the casket... and then being cremated... someone who was once part of your everything has suddenly left a void in your life.

Time heals, but it doesn't really make you forget the memories you've shared with that person. And no one else would be able to understand how you feel.

My great-grandfather of 91 years old passed away last week (he was born the same year and month as our late Mr LKY). I wasn't close to him, but I cried mostly because of the sight of everyone else.
It ached me to see his children (which includes my grandmother, his eldest daughter), who were already in their 60s and 70s to wail at the loss of their only father. It was really heart wrenching to see your closed ones in such a state but all they can hear is "He is in good hands now".


Why must there be life and death?
Maybe I'm a selfish person. Or just immature. I don't like the idea of people leaving. So I choose to stay away first.